Day of the DeceptiKitties
by AutobotV
Summary: Megatron has come up with his craziest plan yet...to destroy the Autobots with the power of everything cute! Will he succeed or end up being loved by Fan-Girls? COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

**Day of the Decepti-Kitties**

This story started on one particular day on planet Earth, a nice sunny day except in those really cold and dark places and maybe the south pole depending what season it is, when at least a quarter of the human race thought that the end had finally come. By tea-time it went up to at least half of the human race and it was presumed that on the next day around breakfast or brunch the entire world would run around, screaming that the end was nigh and throw cakes at each other for no good reason. The culprit, or should I say culprits, for this sudden panic is none other than Earth's unwanted guest, the Decepticons, led by the evil Megatron and-

Megatron: Hey hold it! That's it!?

AutobotV: What?

Megatron: You're just gonna say I'm evil? What about cruel, powerful and wickedly handsome to boot!?

AutobotV: Well "evil" says it all Megatron, stop being so greedy all the time, you can't have everything!

Megatron: I WANT EVERYTHING! I WANT IT! I WANT IT!

AutobotV: GO SIT IN THE CORNER!

Megatron: I DON'T WANT TO SIT IN THE CORNER!

AutobotV: GET OR I'LL BITCH-SLAP YOU BACK TO CYBERTRON!

Sorry about that...anyway the Decepticons were led bt the evil Megatron and his foul army of Decepticon soldiers, all of them bent on total universal conquest. Of course they had their enemy to deal with first, the valiant Autobots were the only thing that stood in their way between victory and they were great at playing Earth sports. These courageous Autobots were led by the great, kind and handsome Optimus Prime and his-

Megatron: What the slag! He gets all the good stuff and I get one word!

AutobotV: GET BACK IN THE CORNER!

Megatron: I hate you.

Anyway the great, kind and handsome Optimus Prime-

Megatron: He hasn't even got a face!

AutobotV: SHUT UP AND GET IN YOUR CORNER!

And his brave Autobots protected the Earth from the Decepticons evil (but crap) plans.

Megatron: They weren't all crap!

AutobotV: YOU'RE ON YOUR LAST WARNING HERE!

Megatron: Bitch.

But nothing could prepare the Autobots for Megatron's most diabolical plan yet, I mean at this point I wouldn't be surprised if he had given up yet but he thought up a plan so wicked it sends shivers up my spine...but it was still a crap plan.

Megatron: SCREW YOU!

AutobotV: THAT'S IT!

And with that AutobotV bitch slapped Megatron all the way back to Cybertron so she could continue her story about the Decepticons foul plan, one that could possibly destroy the Autobots once and for all.

* * *

Before the human race thought that their 5 million years on Earth was over the Decepticons were planning and plotting in their under water base, except for Starscream who was in the kitchen baking some Energon cookies whilst Soundwave was grooming Ravage. Also Thundercraker and Skywarp were playing on the playstation and the Constructicons were playing with their toy blocks...OK they weren't really planning and plotting they were just doing what they did every day, fuck all!

Starscream: You can't say that word in this fic.

AutobotV: I'm not repeating the **BEEP** thing again!

In the kitchen Starscream was just about to add the finishing touches to his sweet treats when all of a sudden he heard the not so charming voice of his leader over the Com system.

'STARSCREAM, GET YOUR AFT UP HERE NOW!' boomed Megatron's voice.

Starscream snarled in anger but left his cookies behind to answer his leaders call, he knew by the time he got back his cookies would be gone but he rather loose them than loose his head. He knew that Megatron had bad timing but this was ridiculous, he had told him he was in the middle of baking but did Megatron care? No, of course he didn't. Arriving in Megatron's chambers he found his leader looking at his wrist for some strange reason.

'What the slag do you want and why are you looking at your wrist?' snapped Starscream.

Megatron looked up and shook his head, almost annoyed.

'That took you 2 minutes and 45 seconds to get here from the kitchen, pathetic Starscream, really pathetic.'

Starscreams jaw dropped.

'You called me up here so you could time how long it would take for me to get here from the kitchen!? I had to walk 7 miles to get here, do you have any idea how big this place is!? And what has that got to do with looking at your wrist!?'

At that point Megatron held up his arm to revel to his second in command that he was wearing a watch. He waved it in Starscream's face as if he was proud to be wearing it for some stupid reason.

'I timed you with this you fool! With this incredible device I can time anything from anywhere without looking for a clock!'

There was a long silence in Megatron's room for a moment until Starscream broke it.

'WHY THE SLAG DO YOU NEED A WATCH!?'

'So I can time how long it takes for you to get here! Isn't it great, I had to use a few Energon cubes to get it but it was worth it. Swindle did tell me it was the next big thing, not even Prime has one! Anyway that isn't important right now, I have some news Starscream.'

Trying not to snap and grab the nearest thing to smack around his leader's head, Starscream remained cool and calm as he listened to what his leader had to say. Megatron stood as there with his fists clenched and an evil glow in his optics and said six words that made Starscream's optics roll.

'I have come with a plan.'

'Oh here we go.' groaned Starscream, slapping his on face.

'It's a great plan and I know that with this plan we will destroy the Autobots once and for all.' gloated Megatron cackling away like he normally did.

'That's what you said about the other plans.' sighed the Seeker.

'There's not a moment to waste, call the other Decepticons up here at once Starscream! They must all hear my brilliant plan!'

'Wait- WHAT!? Just call them up here over the Com system like you did with me! Why do I have to get them!?'

'Don't question me you dolt and get to it!'

Well after that Starscream was prepared to nuke Megatron along with himself but he just went with it and rounded up all the Decepticons to Megatron's room, the whole thing took him at least half the day according to Megatron's amazing new watch and much to the Seeker's annoyance. After everyone had assembled Megatron began to revel his master plan.

'My loyal Decepticons...today I have come up with a grand plan, one that will destroy the Autobots once and for all!' cackled Megatron.

At that point he pulled out his infamous white board that had the title "Megatron's Master Plan" written on it. As Megatron gloated about his new (crap) plan, Soundwave waved his hand.

'What is it Soundwave?' asked Megatron, with a smirk.

Soundwave stood up, holding Ravage in one hand who was snuggled up against his chest and purring away like a little kitten. Soundwave spoke, almost afraid with what he was about to say.

'Sorry Lord Megatron...but that's what you called the plan last time.'

Megatron's smirk vanished.

'Was it?'

'Yep, and that failed...big time...in fact it was your worst plan yet!'

Megatron cringed, he didn't want to jinx this plan, it was the best one he had come up with. Grabbing a pen he quickly scribbled another word on the board. Standing back, it now read "Megatron's Awesome Master Plan" with a star above it. Turning back to Soundwave Megatron now saw Thundercraker's hand up.

'What is it TC!?' snapped Megatron.

'That was the name of the plan last year Megatron, you came back from that one sulking!'

Megatron snarled and once again changed the name, this time to "Megatron's Awesome Wicked Master Plan" with another star and a little robot. Turning back he saw some hands raised at which point he almost snapped the pen. After some time discussing the name the Decepticon's finally helped Megatron come up with the perfect name for his plan that hadn't been used yet.

'Alright then,' sighed Megatron, 'Let me tell you all what "Megatron's Awesome Wicked Totally Great Ultimate Incredible Supreme Amazing Stupendous Spectacular Wonderful Magical Eye-Popping Plan Mark 3 is all about!'

The Decepticons all sat up, all waiting for Megatron to catch his breath so he could begin his plan.

Megatron: Since when did robots have lungs?

AutobotV: Oh shut it Mister No Imagination!

Megatron: No imagination!? Have you not seen the name of my new plan!?

AutobotV: Yes and my fingers hurt from writing it all down!

Megatron stood up in his tall and evil way as he spoke of his...I not writing it down again...plan.

'My Decepticons, as you know time and time again the Autobots manage to beat us from taking over this planet and stealing it's Energy. I mean we even tried to steal Energy from the Sun but they still stopped us, apparently we're not entitled to Solar Energy. So I thought of a brilliant plan to stop them from harming us ever again!'

Skywarp raised his hand.

'How are you planning to stop them from harming us?' asked the black Seeker.

Megatron grinned and he leaned in close to his soldiers and they leaned in towards him, to hear his solution.

'Simple, those Autobots won't harm anything...cute.'

There was long silence.

'What?' asked Starscream, not impressed.

'I said the Autobots won't harm anything that is cute, my plan is to turn my entire Decepticon army into an adorable army of cute soldiers an army the Autobots won't dare touch! They'll be blinded by how cute you all will be!'

The room suddenly got quiet for quite some time. Soundwave looked like he was about to faint, Thundercarker couldn't speak and Skywarp hit the floor hard. Starscream stood up and suddenly screamed,

'THAT IS THE DUMBEST PLAN I HAVE EVER HEARD!'

'I didn't ask for your opion Starscream!' snapped Megatron, 'One way or another, you're all gonna look cute and adorable wither you like it or not!'

The Decepticons jaws dropped, they didn't want to look cute, they were supposed to be evil and scary, this plan was going to ruin their image big time. Had Megatron finally flipped? In my opinion he already has!

Megatron: Slag you bitch!

AutobotV: I can write whatever I want you bucket head!

Megatron: Oh how orignal...like I never heard that one before!

Starscream: Megatron stop it, she's the writer!

Megatron: And she's a crap one!

AutobotV: GO TO HELL!

Megatron: MAKE ME!

---------------------------------------- Please standby, We're in the middle of technical difficulties, please standby-------------------------------

Oh thank god that's over...after their base was almost destroyed by a tidal wave, an indoor monsoon, vampire robots, a sudden indoor solar storm, a black hole appearing from no where and an attack of giant metal eating monsters, the Decepticons all regrouped in Megatron's now soaking wet room with Long Haul sitting in the corner of the room, rocking to and fro and muttering over and over that he had witnessed hell.

'What the slag were you thinking of Megatron! You made the writer unleash hell upon all of us!' wailed Starscream.

'The bitch started it! Anyway we're all alive aren't we?' snapped Megatron.

However at that point one of the Constucticons appeared with whatever remained of one of Megatron's Decepticons.

'Sorry sir we lost Reflector in the battle' sobbed Scavenger.

'He was ripped apart by the giant metal eating monsters and thrown into the black hole that suddenly appeared' wailed Hook.

'Who gives a slag about him, anyway back to the plan. Soundwave I want you to send Laserbeak out to observe up on cute things and Starscream, I want you to take the Seekers to the nearest library to study up on it too! I must know everything about how to look cute!'

Soundwave saluted and ran off but Starscream had something to point out to his leader.

'Megatron, I can't get inside a library, I'm too big!'

'Then loose some weight you over sized pig!' snarled Megatron.

Those words sent Starscream running off in tears with Thundercraker and Skywarp following. Megatron cackled evilly to himself, soon his plan will come into fruition and he will destroy the Autobots once and for all.

* * *

Time ticked on, according to Megatron's new watch and so far no one came back from their studies on the cute factor that was the Autobot weakness. He had the Constructicons clean up the base after they hosted a funeral for the recently killed Reflector, who had died in the sudden hell that was unleashed after Megatron bad-mouthed the writer.

'He was such a little guy, turning into a camera like that...nobodies gonna remember him after this but I will...they may never feature him in those famous comics like Spotlight or whatever...but he will be remembered!' sobbed Mixmaster.

At that moment two Reflector's suddenly showed up holding bags, a little confused to see their base in such a mess and a little horrified to see that their brother was in the middle of a wake, or whatever remained of him.

'What the slag happened here?' asked one of the Reflector's.

The Constructicons looked up almost horrified to see two Reflector's standing there with shopping bags and they all suddenly jumped up in horror.

'Dear Primus it's his ghosts!' screamed Scrapper.

'And he's carrying the bag of shopping we asked him to get him 2 days ago!' wailed Long Haul.

Megatron grumbled as the Constructicons ran around the base, screaming as loud as they could whilst the two Reflectors chased after them trying to figure out what was going on. What was taking the Decepticons so long to figure out what it took to be cute? Time ticked on and then to Megatron's joy he heard the sound of jet engines and within two minutes Starscream, Thundercraker and Skywarp appeared, carrying books on how to be cute.

'Took you long enough!' snapped Megatron.

'Well we couldn't fit inside the library!' wailed Starscream, still upset with what Megatron had said that morning.

'Oh who cares, just tell me what you learnt!'

Thundercraker stepped forward and began to read out some notes.

'Well female humans are the ones who love the idea of being cute and their idea of cute is small things, kittens, puppies, dolls, small deformed things that the Japanese call chibi's and they have huge eyes with small limbs.'

'Yeah and they like them wearing little pink ribbons and wearing big pink puffy dresses or sometimes wearing gothic dresses and such.!' voiced Skywarp.

Megatron paced the room, taking in all the information that the Seeker's had given him and viewed some of the pictures of cute little animals and puffy dresses, a lttle disturbed by them all, well what do you expect he's evil.

'These humans are indeed disturbing and weird' muttered Megatron.

'Well what do you expect, they all soft and plushey' grumbled Starscream.

'If we are to succeed we need an expert in the field...and I only know one person who can help me!' sighed Megatron.

Yep, I know who he's talking about and he can bloody forget it, there is no way in hell that she would help you after what you called me...I mean her!

Megatron: Oh come on, I'm sorry just help me!

AutobotV: NO!

Megatron: Please...I'm trying my hardest here!

AutobotV: Well...OK...on one condition...kiss Starscream.

Megatron: WHAT!?

Starscream: WHAT!?

AutobotV: Opened mouthed with glossa action...and I'll give you some advice...I'm doing this for the fangirls y'know.

Megatron moaned in agoney and looked at Starscream a little uneasy and freaked out. Stascream was blushing a little and fiddling his thumbs after hearing such a demanding request. Trying to make this quick Megatron grabbed Stascream and crashed his lips against the Seekers and forced his glossa into his mouth. Their glossa's caressed each others as Starscream's face heated up. His hands began to roam up and down the Seeker's wings and he drew his body closer and closer until-

Megatron: THAT'S IT I'M DONE!

AutobotV: Aw but I was just warming up!

Megatron: You got what you wanted! Now give me the advice.

AutobotV: Alright fine...

So while I gave Megatron the advice Soundwave had also heard how much fan-girls, who were experts of understanding what it takes to be cute, loved kittens and small soft big-eyed things. So he trailed after some kittens in an alley and studied their movements and behaviour, writing it down on his notepad.

'Kittens, or Kitties as the fan-girls like to call them like milk, make mewing noises and make a rather adorable movement with their paws when cleaning. They like chasing small cotten mice like things...and fo some reason they like rubbing their bodies up against me.'

Trying to escape the cuteness of the kittens that followed him, mewing like mad, Soundwave ran off and looked inside a shop window where dolls with deformed bodies and huge eyes sat on the shop window, a place where fan-girls liked to gather.

'Fan-girls also love these strange plushy things...very strange.'

At that moment a fan-girl came out the store, who was a Soundwave fan big-time, and was about to walk off until she noticed the gigantic form of her idol standing right outside the shop.

'KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It's Soundwave!' screamed the fan-girl.

The sudden scream made Soundwave fall over in shock giving the kittens a chance to pounce on him and snuggle up against, mewing and purring. The fan-girl pulled out her camera and started taking photos of her idol covered in kittens.

'KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Kitties and Soundwave combined! Kawai heaven!'

Back in the base Megatron was putting everything he had learned on a white board whilst Starscream sat in the corner a little confused, I don't blame him he was tainted with sin after all. After a second or two Soundwave appeared, covered in kittens and trying to kick a screaming fan-girl off his leg.

'What the slag is that Soundwave?' shouted Megatron.

'KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It's Megatron!' screamed the fan-girl.

'Primus she sounds worse than Starscream!' wailed Thundercraker.

'KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It's the Seeker's!'

Soundwave finally kicked the girl off his leg and gave his report to Megatron.

'Sir, cats, plushies and that screaming noise they make is their idea of cute!' wailed Soundwave, distressed after what he had to go through to get the information for his leader.

Megatron smirked and dismissed his Decepticons so he could work out how he was going to make his soldiers cute. Kittens, small, deformed, plusies, big eyes, puffy pink dresses and a screaming noise fan-girls make...indeed this cute thing was not something to be underestimated. After thinking it through Megatron summoned all of his Decepticons to the big room...the really big room...y'know...where they plan stuff...anyway all the Decepticons attended as Megatron unfolded his plan.

'Is everyone here?' demanded Megatron.

'Everyone including Reflector's twin ghost's!' wailed Scrapper.

'Anyway I have come up with how we're going to look cute so the Autobots won't even think about harming us!' gloated Megatron.

He turned on the big-ass computer to revel blue-prints of some sort of machine that made Starscream's skin crawl.

Starscream: I don't have skin!

Autobot: Don't you start on me!

Megatron began to gloat as he explained to his troops of what the machine did.

'This machine will turn a scary, ugly and terrible Decepticon like yourselves into small, deformed cute little Decepticons with kitty ears and big optics that will light up with pure radience and if need be it I'll have tailored made pink puffy dressed with ribbons and bonnets made and we will march! March and destroy everything! We will defeat the Autobots with the power of everything cute! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'

There was a big-ass silence in the room now as the Decepticons gaped at their leaders plan.

'There is no slagging way I'm wearing a dress.' sneered Thundercraker.

Not if I don't have anything to do with it, what's gonna happen next anyway? Will the Autobots be defeated by the sheer cuteness of the Decepticons? Find out next time!


	2. Chapter 2

**Day of the Decepti-Kitties 2**

Ok you remembered where we left of right? Megatron comes up with his craziest plan yet and trust me on this, it is insane...he plans to turn his army of evil, scary and terrible Decepticon army into an army of cute, little robot kitties...yeah...insane...and I wrote it...that would make me insane...anyway after forcing the Constructicons to build the machine that will turn his soldiers into cute soldiers Megatron was ready to start a test-run and for that he needed a volunteer.

'Alright, one of you is going to become cute first!'

No one was ready to become cute so what a surprise it was that no one stepped forward. Megatron grumbled, how was he going to pick one of his troops to test run the Cute machine...is that what we're calling it now? It is? Fine, so as Megatron pondered who he was going to make cute first he suddenly got one heck of an idea, running towards his main broadcast system to contact the only Decepticon he trusted and the only Decepticon who really pissed him off. After tuning into the right frequencies he finally patched through into Cybertron's main security program to find that no one was there.

'Shockwave? Where the slag are you!?' screamed Megatron, howling down the mic.

After a second or two Shockwave appeared wearing a rose coloured apron and covered in Energon goodie slop, apparently he had interrupted the one armed Decepticon officer in his kitchen duties.

'Oh Megatron, wasn't expecting you to call...I was in the middle of baking some Energon goodies I was going to send you in the next shipment! Did you get my e-mails?'

'Yes Shockwave, all 67 billion of them and they were very...informative...especially the one when you described your day...now forget the treats for one astro-second and listen to me, I need your advice!'

Shockwave threw off the apron and awaited his leaders command, hoping it would be something worthy of his talents, however he was in for a real shock...get it? No? Alright I'll shut up...

'What is it mighty Megatron?' asked Shockwave, trying to look and sound important.

'Shockwave if you wanted to test a machine that would turn big, scary Decepticons into cute little ones who would you test it on first and how would you know if they truley become so cute that the Autobots would not be able to touch them?'

There was yet another silence and Shockwave's composed form suddenly began to stagger.

'W-What?' squeaked Shockwave.

'Don't make me repeat myself Shockwave! Now who would I test it on first!?' growled Megatron, starting to get annoyed

For one split second the one-optic Decepticon looked like he was about to faint but he supported himself quickly and tried to remain calm. Megatron waited for an answer but Shockwave had to excuse himself so he could think for a moment but he was really panicking.

'Has Megatron finally snapped? Has all these long years on Earth affected his logic circuits? Was it something I said in the e-mails? Was it something I put in his Energon cookies!? Why? WHY!? WHY!? DID I SEND HIM ALL THOSE COOKIES!? WHY!?'

After screaming out his horrors to the universe he ran back to computor, all calm and composed. Megatron sighed with releif after seeing his most trusted officer return to the screen and awaited his most trusted advice.

'So Lord Megatron you want to test your machine that would turn a big, scary Decepticon into a cute little one but you don't know who to test it on? I would suggest you test it on the ugliest Decepticon you have and then throw him into the mercy of a cold-hearted Autobot, one who hates everything small and cute!'

'Excellent Shockwave, you have proved your worth...end transmission and send more cookies!'

As Megatron went back to his Decepticons, Shockwave ran off to his kitchen to figure out what he had put in his cookies to make his leader act so crazy. The Decepticons cringed when their leader returned with a scary look on his face.

'Loyal Decepticons I have come with an idea on who to test the cute machine on first! I have decided to use the most hideous looking Decepticon I have and then throw him to the mercy of a cold-hearted Autobot, who hates everything cute!'

AutobotV: It was Shockwave's idea!

Megatron: Shut up!

All The Decepticons suddenly got a nasty feeling about this and Starscream had a nasty feeling that he was going to be picked sine he always got picked to test things but Megatron must of read his mind because he shook his head.

'No Starscream I will not pick, you got that pretty boy face everyone loves! I will pick the most foul looking Decepticon I have in my ranks!'

Starscream was a little happy that Megatron wasn't calling him ugly and at this point all the Decepticons now got a little curious as to who Megatron thought was the ugliest Decepticon ever to grace the ranks of the Decepticons, hell I'm even curious. Megatron smirked as he pointed a finger to the most foul looking Decepticon he had ever known.

'You, Thundercracker, shall be the first to become cute!'

Thundercracker's jaw dropped in shock, as did everyone else's.

'Wait WHAT! I'm the ugly one!' wailed Thundercracker.

'Yes Thundercracker you make me sick just to look at you!' growled Megatron.

'THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! I LOOK LIKE STARSCREAM AND YOU SAY HE HAS A PRETTY FACE!' screamed Thundercracker.

'Be quiet you fool, you look nothing like Starscream, he's red and you're blue so you don't look anything alike, you see my point!?' snapped Megatron.

'B-But that doesn't make any sense!' wailed the blue Seeker.

'Just get in the machine you foul beast!'

Defeated the blue Seeker sobbed as he got up and headed towards the machine. As Thundercracker sulked and walked into the machine, Skywarp suddenly got a little curious himself and ran up to his leader to ask a question he was a little afraid to ask.

'Lord Megatron, we Seekers look alike but you say Starscream has a pretty boy face and Thundercracker is ugly...what does that make me?'

Megatron sneered and smacked Skywarp round the head.

'You're just plain looking and boring...I hardly notice you half the time since you have such a plain looking face!' sneered Megatron.

AutobotV: OK wait a minute Megatron I'm confused...they all look alike!

Megatron: So?

AutobotV: So how can Starscream be pretty, Thundercracker be ugly and Skywarp plain looking when they have the same faces!? The only difference they have is their paint jobs!

Megatron: There is a major difference, you see Starscream has the face of an angel whilst Thundercracker look like an abomination from the darkest pits of hell!

AutobotV: ...................but....THEY LOOK ALIKE!

Megatron: They look nothing alike! Now be quiet!

AutobotV: Wait, what if I made Thundercracker red and Starscream blue?

Megatron: What difference would that make you fool!? Now leave me alone so I can continue my work!

AutobotV: But you just said-

Megatron: SHUT UP!

Well I'm gonna have to figure this one out later so let's continue with the story. Thundercracker was sealed up within the Cute Machine and it began to hiss and make those whirring noises that piss me off. The Decepticons out side could only cower in horror as they listened to the pain their comrade was going through.

'DEAR PRIMUS IT BURNS! SOMEONE, ANYONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!' wailed Thundercracker.

Starscream covered his optics and Soundwave covered his audios as the screaming continued until the machine and the screaming stopped and was replaced by a long silence in the control room. Megatron pushed a button to open the machine and once the doors were opened a cloud of smoke drifted out the machine and covered the floor in a errie mist.

'Thundercracker...did it work?' asked Megatron, trying to see if he can spot the once ugly Seeker.

Then the Decepticons saw a shadow appear, moving slowly towards them until the smoke finally cleared. What the Decepticons saw before them made them all shriek and howl.

'DEAR PRIMUS! THUNDERCRACKER WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!?'

'MY OPTICS! MY OPTICS!'

'MEGATRON WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?'

Megatron began to cackle as he saw the fruits of his labour come to life. Thundercracker was no longer big, scary and ugly...he was shorter...with small limbs and he no longer had a fingers...his head was slightly bigger than his small body and his optics now took up at least three quarters of his face and on his helm was a pair a kitty like ears that moved up and down as Thundercracker looked up at them, a little lost and confused.

AutobotV: DEAR PRIMUS HE'S SOOOO CUTE!

Megatron: HA! It's worked!

However Megatron wasn't yet satisfied, he had to see if this would work on the Autobots and he had to test it on a cold hearted one, one who hated eveything small and cute. Turning to Soundwave, who was covering his optics after looking at Thundercracker, he barked yet another command.

'Soundwave, which Autobot do we know hates small and cute things?' demanded Megatron.

Soundwave pondered and checked his data banks for all the known information he carried about the Autobots. He searched and searched his data banks until he found what he was after.

'The Second in Command of the Autobots Prowl would be a perfect choice...he hates small things, cute things and likes to do the paper-work...he is also close with Jazz who is the third in command and he loves music, dancing, driving at fast speeds and on Monday mornings he likes to lie in for four hours...he loves cats and hates movie nights when Ratchet's in charge and...'

AutobotV: Yes Soundwave...we know you love to stalk Jazz but nows not the time.

Soundwave: Awwwww

Megatron had to admit that if there was such thing as cold hearted Autobot it would be Prowl. Picking up the little Thundecracker he plopped him into Starscream's hand and ordered him to find Prowl and see if he would attack Thundercracker or not. As Starscream flew off into the sky, Thundercracker suddenly developed a fear of heights!

'KYAAAAAAAA! Meggie! Help me! I'm scared!'

Megatron could not help but blush at Thundercracker's now cute voice as the poor little thing panicked in the red jet and all the Decepticons just clasped their hands together and they all went,

'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!'

Yes he was that cute...I think the Autobots are in serious trouble here!

* * *

Now our story turns to the Autobot base where the Autobots were in the middle of a meeting hosted by Prowl (well who else would do these things?) and, for a change, Jazz was helping. Little did the poor Autobots know that they were about to face horrors that could spell their doom! That very soon they could, at last, be destroyed or even worse! That they would be thrown into the deepest pits of hell and never re-emerge! Anyway, today's meeting was about last nights Energon Party and it wasn't a surprise that the Autobots got drunk once again.

'Autobots, we have disgraced ourselves with what happened last night! Not only did you lot get drunk, you ran off into town and did a number of stupid things to the general public! Now the Earth thinks we're dangerous idiots!' screamed Prowl, holding a number of complaints in his hand.

The Autobots groaned, they were all in the middle of a hangover and they didn't function well in hangovers. Wheeljack had an iceberg strapped to his head, Ratchet was drinking at least 3 times his prescribed medication to get rid of the headache, Mirage had a number written on his belly with the words "call me" on his chest and poor Sunstreaker was wondering why his aft felt so sore and greasy. The Autobots groaned as Prowl read out the charges.

'Powerglide, the airport banned you from ever landing at any USA Airport after you starting humping all their planes! Hound, you ran over 5 people and then blamed the community for not providing any crossing when you blew it up! Sideswipe, you did your brother in the middle of a school play! Wheeljack, you destroyed a city when you tried to fix a light bulb! Ratchet, you killed a man when transporting him to the nearest hospital! Mirage...you slept with a Go-Bot! And the worst one of all...I don't want to even say it but I will...Optimus...why the slag did you use our most strongest laser to write "Optimus Prime kicked Megatron's Aft you Fucka's" on the moon's surface!?'

Optimus was lying down in the corner with Bumblebee fanning him, the poor Autobot leader didn't even remember the events from last night after drinking his weight in Energon, however he did recall walking past the school to hear crying children and Sunstreaker screaming out in pleasure. He also remembered hearing a screaming man in a passing ambulance but that was all he could remember. He really wasn't in the mood for this meeting but he had a duty to do.

'Alright Prowl, I get it, we fucked up...what are the humans charging us?' sighed Optimus.

Prowl held up a long list.

'They want you to say sorry.'

Optimus Prime's optics widened with surprise.

'That's it!? That's all they wrote on that long pice of paper!?'

'Well they wrote down a number of things I can't say otherwise Red Alert would start crying but yep, you have to say sorry...and Hound is to serve time for killing those people...and Wheeljack's got a death warrant on him...and Ratchet's no longer wanted in the Ambulance service...and the Twins have to go to the school to explain the facts of life...and the English teacher says you can't spell for shit. I don't think they want to punish us that badly because we're the only ones are able to stop the Decepticons.'

Optimus Prime groaned in anger, so what if they blew up a city and killed a few people, why can't the people of Earth understand their way of fun? But if he wanted to throw more parties he had to say sorry first.

'Alright Prowl, just write a dozen "Sorry" letters and send them a gift basket. Plus to be on the safe side brainwash them all to think the Decepticons did it. Oh and Mirage...take a long shower you disgusting machine! What the slag were you thinking!?' demanded Prime.

As Mirage ran off in tears to the nearest acid bath, Prowl ran off to his room to do all the paperwork...again...and since it's really boring I'll just speed up to the part where Prowl was on his way to drop off the sorry letters in a nearby postbox after brainwashing a few humans with the Autobots secret weapon. As he raced through the desert in his police car mode he was unaware of the jet following him in the sky...so I told him.

AutobotV: Hey Prowl, Starscream's behind ya!

Prowl: Really? ...WHO SAID THAT!?

Prowl spun round to see Starscream transform and land behind him with something in hidden in his hand. The Autobot officer was truly pissed off and he pulled out his blaster, aiming it at the Seeker.

'What the slag do you want Starscream!? I'm having a real bad day right now, I have to post a bunch of sorry letters to a bunch of humans, brainwash a few of them and I'm now hearing voices but now you showed up to make it even worse!'

Starscream laughed like he always did and took a step forward.

'Calm yourself Prowl I have come to test something on you...I'm also giving you an opportunity to kill one of the Decepticons!'

Prowl appeared confused as Starscream continued.

'Yes Prowl...today I'm going to let you kill Thundercracker!'

A small silence followed as a confused Prowl tried to get everything straight in his head.

'Who?' queried the Autobot.

'Thundercracker you fool!' snapped Starscream.

'Who's that!?'

'The one who looks like me but he's blue!'

'I didn't know you had a blue look-a-like!'

'He's the one who makes the loud noise when he flies in the sky!'

Prowl pondered for a moment until he figured it out.

'Oh, you mean the really ugly one!'

Starscream sighed but nodded as he held out his hand, something was concealed in his fist and was making a muffled, high-pitched screaming noise. Prowl held out his blaster, ready to fire at whatever was in Starscream's hand as the Seeker opened it.

'Well now Prowl...kill it! It's a Decepticon so you must kill it!'

Prowl's jaw dropped as he gaped at what was in Starscream's hand...a tiny form of Thundercracker with gigantic optics, a small plushy body and cat like ears poking out of his helm. The moment Thundercracker saw Prowl with the blaster he squealed in horror and pounced on Starscream's face, clinging to it and shivering like crazy as small tears appeared at the bottom of his optics.

'KYAAAAAA! Help me Starscream! He's big and scary!' wailed Thundercracker.

AutobotV: HE'S SOOOO CUTE!

Prowl: Yes he...WHO THE SLAG SAID THAT!?

Prowl aimed the blaster at the cute little Thundercracker...but those optics...that deformed body...those kitty ears...Prowl lowered the blaster.

'I...I can't...he's...too cute!'

Starscream cackled with joy and took to the sky, leaving a shaken Prowl behind. It worked, a pissed off, cold hearted Prowl couldn't even harm the cute little Thundercracker, the plan was truly working! As he flew back to base with the cute little screaming Thundercracker, Prowl staggered back to base in shock. Back at the Autobot base Hound was trying to avoid Mirage and hid himself in Jazz's room.

'I can't be seen with him anymore Jazz...he slept with a Go-Bot...that's sick!' sobbed Hound.

'Well what's that gotta do with you!' snapped Jazz.

'What the slag do you think, he's my bitch! I won't be able to go near him without hearing the word "GO-BOT WHORE!" and they'll say I'm his pimp or something! I'm gonna have to break it up with him!'

As Hound sobbed out his woes the alarm went off and of course it meant trouble. Running off to the main entrance Jazz was in shock to find Prowl collapse at the entrance, his optics filled with horror. As Jazz helped the officer up the rest of the Autobots showed up to figure out what had happened.

'Prowl what the slag happened? I got paper-work piling up here and you're sleeping on the job!' snapped Optimus.

Prowl staggered up and grabbed in his leader, he seemed to be in a panic.

'It was horrible sir...I had the chance to kill that really ugly Decepticon...but I couldn't!' wailed the officer.

'Y'mean Thundercracker?'

'Yes sir, that one...but he was...he was...he was really...really...cute!'

And with that Prowl fainted in his leader's arms. Optimus raised his head to face his Autobots, if Prowl couldn't even kill a cute Decepticon then what chances did they had? Letting Prowl slumped to the floor and addressed his Autobots.

'Autobots....we're fucked!'

Indeed they are, now Megatron is going to turn the whole Decepticon army into really cute soldiers of doom! Tune in next time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Day of the Decepti-Kitties 3**

Hey there everyone, welcome back to yet another wonderful chapter in the Day of the Decepti-Kitties. OK let's sum it up to what has happened so far in this amazing tale of horror and suspense and quite possibly a bit of romance on the side...and I'm not talking about Megatron and Starscream! So let's talk how it all-

Megatron: Hold it, this is my chance for the spotlight here!

AutobotV: What make's you think I'll let you tell everyone what happened so far in my fic?

Megatron: I'll let you have a Soundwave kitty!

Soundwave: WHAT!

AutobotV: Done!

Right you pathetic flesh creatures, listen to what I have accomplished so far. As you know the Autobots would never, ever harm anything cute! So I've come up with an amazing plan to stop the Autobots from harming us, I'm about to turn my entire Decepticon soldiers into an army of cute little cat-eared soldiers that will crush the forces of Earth and the Autobots won't even try to touch us! I've already had Starscream tested a now mega cute Thundercracker on a cold-hearted Autobot named Prowl and he couldn't even stop them! Soon the Autobots will bow down to me and the world will be mine! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Soundwave: KYAAAAAAAAA! HELP ME MEGATRON! SHE'S PULLING MY EARS!

AutobotV: You are now called kitty and from this day forward you will be called kitty! Who's my wittle kitty eh!?

Megatron: Bulk up Soundwave...dear Primus she's got him in a pink dress!

Soundwave: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I HATE PINK!

AutobotV: My wittle kitty witty! Whose my little Soundwave kitty! heh, heh, heh, I'm evil sometimes...

* * *

Megatron could not help but cackle after hearing what Starscream had to report and was now kicking all his Decepticons in his cute machine, much to their horror. He ignored their cries of pain and decided to contact Shockwave so he could tell him the good news, I mean this was best news he was going to hear in the past 4 million years. Logging on he found Shockwave still wearing the apron and holding a bowl of Energon goop, a look of panic in his optic.

'Oh Megatron...what is it? I was just making some Energon Cookies with an improved recipie!'

'Yes, yes just quickly send me some more but I have excellent news Shockwave, it worked! We threw Thundercracker, who I made incredibly cute, at the mercy of the Autobot's most cold hearted mech and he couldn't kill him! Now soon i will be turning all my Decepticons into cute little Decepti-Kitties!'

Shockwave dropped the bowl and almost fell back on his chair after hearing such a crazy thing from his leaders mouth.

'Decepti-Kitties!?' squeaked Shockwave.

'Great name isn't it!? I came up with it all by myself! Also Shockwave when I said all my Decepticons will be Decepti-Kitties I mean all my Decepticons! So once you're done baking me a new batch of cookies I want you to become a Decept-Kitty too!' cackled Megatron.

At that point Shockwave fainted, leaving Megatron all alone.

'Oh for Primus sake Shockwave get a hold of yourself! And send more cookies!' snapped Megatron before switching off the screen and running off to check how his new army was coming along.

The cute machine had done it's job, now the room was filled with cute little adorable cat-eared Decepticons, or should I call them Decepti-Kitties now? Megatron laughed evilly as they walked around in their little deformed bodies, trying to figure out why they were feeling so funny.

'Meggie-twon, Skywarp kicked me up my wittle tiny aft!' wailed Thundercracker.

Megatron flushed again, his entire army was now cute and untouchable, no one could stop him now, not even the Autobots! Now was the time to send them out into the world to unleash their true terror, to unleash pure hell! Pointing towards the exit of his base he began to bark out his new orders.

'Now my Decepti-Kitties, fly out and steal me some Energon, I want a mountain of it and if you do well I'll let you have some of the Energon cookies Shockwave's gonna send me!'

The Decpti-Kitties ran off to the door but to their horror they couldn't reach the door knob to open the door, they were too small and since they no longer had fingers but cute little paws they couldn't turn the knob even if they could reach it. Starscream began to cry at not be able to open a simple door.

'MEGGIE-TWON! I CAN'T OPEN THE BIG MEANIE DOOR!' wailed the cute little Decepti-Kitty.

Megatron growled in anger and opened it for them, watching as they flew away. They flew like bumblebee's, zig zagging in the air and smacking themselves against the wall before flying off into the blue sky. Megatron didn't even consider, not for one moment, that was truly a bad sign so he just sat down and waited for his troops to return with a mountain load of Energon...stupid idiot. Meanwhile the cute little Decepti-Kitties arrived at a power plant, all of them ready to steal the Energon...but there was one tiny little problem.

'What do you mean you can't make Energon cubes Soundwave!' wailed Starscream.

'Well I can but they're so tiny now!' sobbed Soundwave, making as many cubes as he could but they were all too tiny.

Thundercracker and Skywarp cried as they tried to hook up the main power line to the Energon cubes but because they now had paws it wasn't working as fast as they had hoped. The Constructicons were trying to reach the main power supply switch but they couldn't even reach, giving up they fell to the floor and cried their huge optics out. At that moment a couple of factory workers showed up, back from a nice ham and mustard sandwich lunch and both of them horrified to see small cat-eared Decepticons trying to steal their energy...well they were really crying but you get the idea.

'What the hell is going on here?' snapped the first worker, who I'm gonna call Bob.

'Aren't those the Decepticons!?' cried the second worker, who I'm gonna call Mike.

the Decepti-Kitties looked up horrified to see the now giant workers...and all of a sudden...they began to cry...really, really loud...but in a really, really cute way. Both Bob and Mike watched in shock as the Decepti-Kitties began to cry and wail as their world came crashing down around them.

'WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! IT'S NO FAIR, IT'S NOT FAIR! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' cried Soundwave.

'MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' sobbed Starscream.

Now normally if you saw a group of giant, evil robots crying if their plan had failed then you would think that they either they need help or they had completely lost it, you might run away or even laugh and point. However Mike and Bob were looking at a bunch of cute little Decepti-Kitties and the fact that they were so cute the workers could not help but ask what was wrong.

'Why are you cute little things crying?' whimpered Mike, who was on the verge of tears, I mean you would if you saw a whole bunch of Decepti-Kitties crying their little Sparks out you'd cry! Seriously you would!

Starscream sobbed and whimpered, looking up at the two workers above them.

'W-we're trying to steal Energon for Meggie-Twon b-but we can't d-do it cause we're t-to small!' wailed the red Seeker

'And w-we can't even carry them b-back to the base cause w-we don't have hands anymore!' sobbed Skywarp.

'P-plus if w-we don't bring enough b-back, M-Meggie-Twon won't g-give us any c-cookies!' screamed Thundercracker.

'And Shockwave j-just improved his recipe!' cried Hook.

Soon the whole room was filled with crying Decepti-Kitties, their optics welling up with tears and making small puddles on the floor. soon Mike and Bob began crying too, how terrible that these poor, cute, cat-eared Decepticons had to suffer just to get some energy. It wouldn't hurt just to spare them a little, it was so much better than seeing them cry like this. As they set up the wires and cables, Soundwave began to make as many Energon Cubes as he could while Starscream became nice and thanked the workers.

'Thank you mister human worker sir!' squeaked Starscream, his face lighting up with flushed cheeks and bright optics.

AutobotV: I JUST WANNA HUG HIM TO DEATH!

Starscream: GET AWAY FROM ME!

The workers were only too glad to fill up two truck loads of Energon cubes for the Decepti-Kitties and watch them drive back to their base with their cute little face's lit up with warm fuzzy smiles. It warmed their hearts with such joy to see that they had helped such cute little things...only problem was that now they had no power to keep the city working and they were officially screwed...as was Starscream because he didn't know how to drive a truck and neither did Long Haul...and he was a truck!

'KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I'm gonna crash!' wailed Long Haul.

'JUST KEEP THE WHEEL STRAIGHT!' wailed Scrapper.

So after a rather strange but successful raid on the power plant the Decepti-Kitties returned to the base where Megatron was trying out the cookies Shockwave had just sent him but something was different about them...something strange...something was missing big time. In anger he called up Shockwave so he could find out what was wrong with his favourite cookies and once again he found Shockwave in his apron again.

'Shockwave! I got the cookies...but what the slag is wrong with them!' screamed Megatron, waving the basket of goodies around.

Shockwave flinched a little after hearing what his leader had just discovered but tried to remain calm.

'I don't know what you mean my lord! I just improved the recipe that's all!' stammered the Decepticon, trying his best to remain calm.

Megatron wasn't buying it as he shoved another one in his mouth, munching away as he tried to figure out what was missing in his favourite snack. He glared at Shockwave and snarled when he realized what it was that was missing.

'There's no sugar in these cookies!' wailed Megatron.

Shockwave shrieked when he was found out, he thought it was the fact that he emptied at least 20 bags of sugar in his cookie mix that was making his leader act so crazy so he reduced it to a small tea-spoon...well he reduced it to a crumb actually. Megatron was now having a major fit.

'YOU CAN'T GIVE ME COOKIES WITH NO SUGAR! IT'S A CRIME AGAINST THE LAW OF NATURE!' bellowed Megatron.

'I-I'm sorry my lord but you have b-been acting a little coo-coo lately and I thought it had something to do with all the c-cookies I've been sending you!' sobbed Shockwave, he was trying his best cause he did love his Meggie, yes he did.

Megatron went red with rage, no one stops putting sugar in his cookies, no one!

'I WANT COOKIES WITH SUGAR! SEND ME COOKIES WITH SUGAR AT ONCE!' howled Megatron.

Shockwave ran off crying as the transmission ended and Megatron sat on his chair, mumbling to himself as he wondered what was taking his arm of Decepti-Kitties so long. It couldn't be that hard to steal Energon of the flesh creatures could it? As he waited and waited he suddenly heard the faint sound of engines coming from the next room. At first he thought it was the Stunticon's fooling around again and was about to tell them off when two giant trucks crashed through the wall, which was confusing me since the Decepticons were in the middle of the ocean. After Megatron recovered from the shock and the smoke cleared his Decepti-Kitties hopped out of the trucks and waddled up to their leader as best they could.

'Meggie-twon! Meggie-twon! We got the Energon! Two truck loads of it!' squeaked Starscream.

'The humans just gave it to us sir! They were really, really nice about it!' yelped Skywarp.

This was even better than Megatron had expected, the humans just gave it to them and didn't even alert the Autobots! This was truly a great plan and he felt like dancing for joy...but a dancing Megatron disturbs me so he won't be dancing and let's get to the part where Starscream looks up at Megatron with his paws together and his huge optics looking up at his leader with a cute cat like smile.

'Meggie-twon, can we have our cookies now?' he begged.

Megatron looked at the last batch of sugarless cookies Soundwave had just sent him and pondered. He decided to be nice and not to waste Shockwave's efforts, he grabbed them and shoved them in Starscream's paws.

'Here, improved recipie alright,' snickered Megatron

'YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!' cried all the Decepti-Kitties as they pounced on the cookies and started munching away.

Yes they all looked so cute as they munched away on cookies that looked like dinner plates in their hands as the cookie crumbs started to crumbling all over their cute little faces and their...warm...fuzzy...smiles...with their I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! At that moment a crazed fan-girl appeared, ran across the room and grabbed the Decepti-Kitty known as Soundwave and started to hug him to death, much to everyone's shock.

'Who the slag is that?!' snapped Megatron.

'KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! MEGGIE-TWON! HELP ME!' screamed Soundwave.

Angered at how the girl just rudely barged in and was now killing his communication officer with the hug of death, he aimed his fusion cannon and blasted her to kingdom come, saving the little Soundwave from Primus knows what.

'Glad that was over...who the slag was she?' muttered Megatron.

At that moment there was the sound of thunder and they could all feel a violent tremor under their feet as the whole room began to shake. The Decepti-Kitties screamed in terror and cowered under Megatron's frame, all of them crying and sobbing their optics out. Then the Stunticons ran past, screaming their heads off in panic and fear.

'Megatron! The giant metal eating monster showed up again along with the black hole!' wailed Swindle.

* * *

As the Decepticons were once again fighting for their lives after Megatron once again did something stupid to the writer the Autobots were investigating what happened at the power plant, surprised that the humans didn't even raise the alarm. Prowl and Optimus interviewed the two workers while Jazz, Mirage, Hound, Wheeljack and Bumblebee waited for orders.

'So let me get this straight...because they were so cute and adorable you just gave them the Energon!?' wailed Optimus, a little pissed because that was the Energon promised to him and his troops.

'Well...they began to cry...and they looked so sad,' muttered Mike.

'And you didn't even think about what could happen to the city!? Hospitals lost power, public transport gone and the whole city in a panic...just because they cried!?' wailed Prowl.

'Well...they were really, really cute,' muttered Bob.

Optimus shook his head and looked at his Autobots, trying to figure out what to do. If Megatron had truly found the secret of everything cute then the Autobots were in serious trouble, heck even Prowl couldn't handle it so what chances did they have? Trying not to freak out he ordered Prowl to brainwash the human workers to say the Decepticons came in, kicked ass and ran off, he didn't want to cause a panic with the general public about a possible army of cute Decepticons. Now to get serious...for a change.

Optimus: What's that supposed to mean!?

AutobotV: Aw c'mon, the parties and the whole crazy stuff you get up to!?

Optimus: I KNOW HOW TO DO MY JOB!

Optimus faced his soldiers in his tall proud way and addressed his troops.

'Autobots, I'll say it again, we are fucked! There is a possibility that we now face an army of mega-cute Decepticons! So we're just gonna have to buff up a little and stop them before they steal anymore Energon! Jazz, help Prowl, he thinks he hears voices and he hasn't recovered properly from the last encounter he had with Thundercracker. Wheeljack, don't touch anything until I get Bumblebee to check it first. Mirage...you disgusting thing, go clean up this mess at once...I still can't believe you slept with that Go-Bot! Hound, stand around and look busy...and if you see any cats kill them! We need to practice! Now get to it!'

Mirage ran off to cry whilst the other Autobots carried on with their jobs. Hound looked out for cats while Bumblebee followed Wheeljack around, hoping the engineer wouldn't kill him with a light bulb and some nice humans offered Mirage some hankies. Jazz went to look for Prowl and found him looking around with a rather freaked out look in his face.

'Prowl? What are you doing?' asked Jazz, a little concerned.

'Careful Jazz! She might talk again and utter strange words!' cried Prowl, sounding a little crazy.

'She?'

'THE VOICE! She just talks out of nowhere like magic! It's almost too scary Jazz, it's like the Twilight Zone but worse!'

Jazz raised an optic in concern as he watched his friend search the room for the source of this strange voice he was hearing. Was Prowl finally loosing it? Or was he just looking for attention?

AutobotV: No Jazz he's just a little cranky.

Prowl: THERE IT IS AGAIN!

Jazz: No, no Prowl that's the writer!

Prowl looked a little confused as Jazz explained about the person behind the voice...who was a lovely young lady who likes booze, spicy Indian curry and other spicy foods like Thai, loves cute things and enjoys hard-core yaoi sometimes. She also hates anything with peanut butter and hates men with weird haircuts. She also loves the Prowl and Jazz pairing and the Soundwave and Jazz pairing! I like going to the cinema and all that and...

Jazz: OK, OK he get's it, you control our lives!

Prowl: WHAT!?

Jazz sighed as he tried to explain to his friend what my role was in this tale.

'Ya see Prowl, everything she writes happens...to us! Our lives are in her hands ya see and if ya piss her off she gets real scary! Everything we do is based on what she writes! It is a little weird cause fan-girls don't talk to us like she does but she is a little crazy if you know what I mean but hey, we're all cool with it!' explained Jazz, trying to calm his friend down, but he had fucked up big time.

'You mean we're nothing more than fictional characters in some fan-girls sick fantasy!?' wailed Prowl, gripping his clipboard in horror.

'Well...yeah I guess.'

'So that whole thing with Wheeljack getting fucked by Optimus, Megatron and Unicron was all her fault!?'

AutobotV: I believe he's referring to "Everyone Loves Wheeljack", I really gotta finish that!

Prowl: DEAR PRIMUS LEAVE ME ALONE!

Jazz sighed as Prowl ran off, screaming after finding out his life revolved around a crazy fan-girl who just loved to torture-...I mean shower her favourite Transformers with love. So what's gonna happen next time? I'll give you a hint, Soundwave wants his own Transformer kitty and it ain't a Decepticon! See ya!


	4. Chapter 4

**Day of the Decepti-Kitties 4**

OK you all know the deal, if you haven't read what happened in the previous chapters then your loss, not mine...I know it's harsh but hey, welcome to my world...sorry guys I'm a little sad...Prowl's not talking to me anymore, he's a little freaked out about his life. Now I got an army of Decepti-Kitties to worry about and a Mirage who slept with a fucking Go-Bot...I mean how sick was that!? That's like sleeping with a bum who slept with hookers and gambled his life away for some booze...but even worse! Anyway onto the fic...where did we leave off...oh yeah, Megatron shot me up my ass and I unleashed hell upon him again!

* * *

The whole command room of Megatron's base was a wreak after once again the metal eating ginats, black hole, solar storm and indoor monsoons were unleashed. The Decepti-Kitties had turned into furballs after getting soaked and once again the Constructicons were sobbing over yet another dead Reflector...wait a minute, he died again!?

'WHY REFLECTOR!? WHY!?' wailed Hook.

'Wasn't he already dead?' muttered Mixmaster.

As the Constructicons pondered over Reflector's second death which I even found strange until I read my previous chapters, Starscream shook himself of the water he was drenched in and glared up at Megatron.

'WHY THE SLAG DID YOU SHOOT THE WRITER!?' he howled.

'I didn't know she was the writer! She looked like some crazy fan girl!' argued the Decepticon leader.

AutobotV: I'm still here Megatron and I'm in a pissed off mood!

Megatron: A little warning would be nice next time!

However Megtraon could care less if he had indeed shot the writer up her ass, he now had an army of cute little Decepti-Kitties and they worked...sort of. He had yet to throw them into the battlefield with the Autobots, he had to make sure that it did indeed work. So he came up with yet another dumb idea and trust me...it is very, very dumb.

'Soundwave, I need you to return to normal so you can lead my troops into the Autobot base so you can steal their secrest and plans!'

'Wait a slagging minute! We can return to normal?' gasped Thundercracker, looking surprised as did the other Decepti-Kitties.

'Of course you all can! It was just in case you lot turn me into a Decepti-Kitty however I'm the only one who knows the security code for the reversal process so there!' snapped Megatron.

The Decepti-Kitties all looked both annoyaned and angered as Megatron began to gloat how smart he was but no, in my opinion, he is in fact an idiot. I mean he just told everyone that he was the only one who knew the codes and Soundwave can read minds! Megatron stopped his gloating to shove Soundwave into the machine yet again but this time he came out like his big normal self again, HOORAY! The communication officer was given instructions and he took with him the three Seeker's who were still Decepti-Kitties. The plan was simple, go in and steal the plans, if the Autobots interfere then Starscream, Skywarp and Thundercracker would distract them using the power of cuteness...I think the Autobots are doomed, I can't even resist the cuteness and I created this story from my twisted imagination! Let's just hope the Autobots are gonna survive.

* * *

Jazz was still trying to find the now very aware Prowl, who is still freaked out that I exist and that I am in total control of his life...I would be freaked out too and so Jazz was given the task to find him, taking a strait jacket and a mallet for safty measures. He checked all the normal places, the offices, the main offices, the back-up offices, the emergency offices, the offices only Prowl knew about and the rubber ducky room but so far he couldn't find him. So I magicaly sent him to the Control Room where Prowl was sitting at a computor, acting normal.

'Prowl, I've been looking for you! You alright?' asked Jazz, a little scraed Prowl might snap.

Prowl looked up and seemed to be fine much to Jazz's joy and mine, it looks like he finally got over me. He was doing something on a small computor and the page it was displaying...waitaminute, he's on fanfiction . net! The Porsche was confused to see that Prowl had started his own account and had already submitted his own stories. I had no idea he had any imagination!

'Hey Prowl, I didn't know you were into writing stories.' chuckled Jazz.

'Correct Jazz, I discovered how amazing it is to write your own stories on this website. I already have a few fans and my stories are rather popular...it's like my own little universe but I'm in control...'

The room was getting darker now and Prowl now had a very scary twisted look on his face as he typed away. Strange noises where heard all around the room with the sound of a typing keyboard in the backround. There was the sound of cackling and twtisted violin noises surrounded them and it was really starting to get scary. Jazz was getting freacked out...as am I...and I writing here!

Prowl: Not any more AutobotV! Now I'm in control of my own universe!

AutobotV: But Prowl, we writers use our power for good...in a fan service kind of way.

Prowl: SILENCE! I WILL HAVE ORDER! I'M IN CONTROL! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

AutobotV:.............................Jazz one word: RUN!

Jazz decided to leave the crazed officer and get a bigger mallet. As he ran down the hallway he spotted something running towards the security terminals chamber, which is situated oppiste the disco room where Blaster was practicing his DJ skills...I had to mention that, there's a good reason! Anyway Jazz went to investigate, walking very slowly and pulling out his blaster. Who knows what he could walk into, a scary evil and very ugly Thundercracker or a scary evil and average looking Skywarp? Who knew but he had to be careful. He heard a whining noise and the sound of something crying?

'Bumblebee is that you?' asked Jazz peeping round the corner.

Looking round he saw on the floor a very, very small cute looking Starscream. He was wailing with his huge optics, his tears falling down his face and his cute little paws trying to rub them off. Jazz had to drop his gun as he was almost shot down by the sheer cuteness of the little Decepticon crying his little Spark out. He bent down and tried to stop his tears.

'What's the matter you little cutie?'

The cute little Starscream looked up and sniffled, his cat ears twitching a little.

'I came here with my friends but I got lost cause this base is sooo big.' he wailed.

Jazz just wanted to hug him there and then but at that moment Soundwave came out of Blaster's Disco room that had a very large glowing Disco ball hanging up in the center and he was looking fed up. He managed to sneak into the base but he got lost and ended up challenging Blaster to a DJ duel, which he lost. He turned to shake his fist at the gloating Autobot.

'YOU CALL THAT MUSIC!?' he wailed.

'SORE LOSER!' wailed Blaster, slamming the door shut.

Jazz suddenly jumped to his feet when he spotted the larger Decepticon who made a schreech when he saw Jazz standing there looking pumped and ready for action. This was the confusing part for Jazz because Soundwave was now acting like a little school girl now that he had met the bot of his dreams...awwww. Just to let you know if you haven't already figured it out Soundwave was obbsessed with Jazz like many Autobots and Decepticons were. Jazz just stood there as he tried to figure out why Starscream now looked really cute and why Soundwave was acting like an idiot.

'Jazz, I'm so happy to meet you! All this time of longing and waiting and now you're here! I collected all your cards and posters, I love your choice in music and I dream of doing you every single night! This must be what the fan girls must feel like when they see the one they love!'

As Soundwave went on and on about how he loved Jazz, the Autobot tried to back away from all the freakiness. This day was just getting weirder and weirder by the minute, first Decepticons were turning up cute, Prowl now thought he was in control of his own universe and Soundwave was going on how much he loved him...sounds like a normal day in my universe. He had no choice now but to activate the alarm but before he could even do that Soundwave suddenly pulled him into a death-tight hug, squeezing him and snuggling against him while telling him how much he loved him. Jazz was having a hard time to breathe and Starscream was looking annoyaed.

'Soundwave! We need to find the main control room!' he cried.

'Go away Starscream, this is a once in a lifetime oppertunity!' snapped Soundwave.

Jazz was now trying to free himself as Soundwave and Starscream argued with each other.

'C-Could you also...t-tell him I...can't...breath....waitaminute I don't need air!'

AutobotV: I'm not listening!

At that moment the rest opf the Decepti-Kitties apperaed with Ravage....only he was wearing a cute little bonnet with slippers on his paws. Jazz couldn't help but sqeaul with joy as he watched the cute little things run up to them.

'Soundwave we got the information off Teletraan-1!' cried Thundercraker, patting Ravage on the head.

'He was really nice about it...he even gave us the codes to all the worlds war heads!' giggled Skywarp.

'Also we have something that Megatron would really want...Optimus Prime's hit list!' wailed Hook, waving the big red book around.

Soundwave couldn't believe his luck! Not only did he have his sweetheart Jazz in his arms but he also had Optimus Prime's top secret hit list. Megatron was sure to shower him with praise and maybe a few cookies. Picking up the Decept-Kitties and keeping a firm grip on Jazz he took off to the sky. Soon the rest of the Autobot's were alerted of Soundwave's sudden assult.

'How the slag did they get in here!?' screamed Optimus.

'That was my fault Prime...I challenged Soundwave to a DJ showdown...' mumbled Blaster.

Optimus suddenly glared at Blaster.

'Were you in Vector Sigma's room again!?'

'....yes...'

'What have I told about going in there!?'

As Blaster sulked after getting told off Hound, Mirage and Prowl showed up after hearing the news. Wheeljack and Ratchet also showed up after looking over what Soundwave took and they didn't look too happy about it.

'Sorry Prime but they downloaded all the secret power supply locations...and your hit list.'

'Aw hell!' growled Prime.

'Plus they ran off with Jazz.'

'Wha- WHAT!? Aw that's just great, first my hit list and now my bitch...what else could go wrong? Mirage, you disgusting thing, get out of my sight! You're not making me feel any better!' grumbled the Autobot leader.

Mirage wailed and run off in tears and at that moment Prowl stepped in holding his laptop.

'Never fear Optimus, I have a plan! I'll use my writing skills to create an alternative reality where Jazz is safe and sound and the Decepticons surrender to the Autobots! Also Starscream will become MY bitch and I'll torture him into sexual pleasures and so forth!'

The Autobots watched as the manic Prowl typed away and shuffled back a bit. Optimus Prime slapped his face in frustration. First Blaster used Vector Sigma as a Disco ball, Soundwave and the Decepti-Kitties stole his hit list along with Jazz and now Prowl had completly lost it.

'Now who's going to do all that paperwork?' he howled.

* * *

Megatron was indeed impressed that the Decepti-Kitties had stolen Optimus Prime's hit list as well as the hidden locations of the worlds energy supplies! With this he would be able to gather his arch rivals enimies and form an allience. Whilst he was doing that his Decepti-Kitties would steal the worlds energy supplies and their weapons using the power of their cute little bodies. Everything was going according to plan.

Excellent work my Decepti-Kitties...but where the slag is Soundwave?'

Starscream shrugged.

'He ran off with the Autobot towards your Cute machine or something.'

Megatron shrugged it off and decided to read Prime's hit list. He knew he was going to be on top but he was rather curious who else Prime had it in for. The Decepti-Kitties watched as Megatron opened the book and read what was within. After a moment or so his face suddenly went sour.

'W-what is this!?' he shriecked.

'What is it?' asked Hook.

At this Megatron began to have a fit and ran around waving his arms in fury.

'I'M SECOND ON OPTIMUS PRIME'S HIT LIST!? SECOND!?'

Ouch. the Decepti-Kitties watched as Megatron screamed and smashed everything in his path after discovering that after fighting Optimus Prime for over 9 million years he only came second on his hit list. Second? As Megatron calmed himself down Starscream nervously approached him with a question that everyone...including myself...wanted answering.

'Umm...Meggytwon? Who is first on the list?'

Megatron flinched and looked at his troops in fear. He didn't want to tell them who was on the top of Optimus Prime's hit list but Thundercraker already read it and he knew. For the hell of it he told everyone...but mainly because I brainwashed him into telling everyone.

'It's a set of traffic lights in the city. He's had it in for that set of lights for years now.'

AutobotV: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TRAFFIC LIGHTS!? MEGATRON COMES SECOND AFTER A SET OF TRAFFIC LIGHTS!? HAHAHAHAHA!

Megatron: S-SHUT UP!

As the Decepti-Kitties tried to hold in their laughter Soundwave was locked up in his room sewing something. He had spent his whole afternoon sewing at a small pink dress with frills and ribbons. It was so cute to look at and it made me wonder what is was for since it was too small for Rumble and Frenzy. After he added the final touches he picked it up with care and carried it over to a small figure lying in a pink cot.

'You like your new dress my little Jazz kitty?' cooed Soundwave.

Yes my friends Soundwave has transformed our beloved Jazz into a cute Auto-Kitty! We'll be back shortly but first, Jazz...any comments?

Jazz: GET ME OUT OF HERE KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


	5. Chapter 5

**Day of the Decepti-Kitties 5**

....OK....it's been like 10 days and Megatron still hasen't shown up! We're supposed to do this together....man is he getting on my nerves! I had to pay the camera guy extra for this and I have places to go, lives to ruin...goddam him! It's not like it's the end of the world for him...what a wuss...oh hey Starscream....you look so cute with those ribbons!

Starscream: Thankies! Anyway Megatron isn't here cause he locked himself up in his room and is crying...alot...

AutobotV:.....Megatron....crying....just let me grab my camera and we'll see what we can do!

Starscream: Kaaaay!!

So cute! Anyway you know the drill folks! If you don't know what the slag is going on then read the rest of this fic! Back to the story...Megatron is crying! hehehehehehehe!

* * *

All the Decepticons and Decepti-Kitties were all standing outside Megatron's room and none of them knew what to do. After the great and evil machine of all time found out that he came second after a set of traffic lights on his arch nemisis hit list he ran off and cried like a sparkling! So until he stops the water works their plans are possponed and the Decepti-Kitties knew that they had to help! Well mainly because Megatron was the only one who knew how to work the Cute Machine and Soundwave was too busy playing with his Auto-Kitty, Jazz! They couldn't care less if he ran off to hang himself but we need him in this story so I got Shockwave to show up out of nowhere to talk to him.

Shockwave: How the slag did I get here!? AH! MY MUFFINS ARE IN THE OVEN!

AutobotV: Chill Shockwave I need your help! Megatron is crying like a baby cause he found out something...amusing...but I need you to calm him down!

Shockwave: He's crying!? Dear Primus...WHAT THE SLAG DID I PUT IN THOSE COOKIES!?

AutobotV: Just talk to him!

Shockwave sighed and knocked on the door to his leader's room and had to cover his audios to hear the most terrifying noise from the other side. It was like listening to cats skriecking as their insides were pulled from their mouths! Yes everyone that is what Megatron sounds like when he cries...heheheh. Shockwave sighed and knocked again until he finally got an answer.

'What do you want!? Go away!'

'Megatron! It's me! Shockwave!'

'Shockwave? How the slag did you get here? Oh who cares my life is over!'

The crying continued and Shockwave tried to think of what to do. How do you get a creepy loser like Megatron to stop crying anyway? Maybe if he had some more cookies that would work but at this current moment in time Shockwave wasn't willing to give out any more cookies so he tried to help the poor sucker out using words...

Megatron: STOP MAKING MY LIFE MORE UNBEARABLE!

AutobotV: I was stating the obvious!

Shockwave knocked again and spoke to his leader with all the respect he could muster.

'Megatron, my Lord! You are the greatest fighting machine in the entire Universe! You make the organics ran away at the mere mention of your name! You destroy worlds like they were mere rocks in your palm! You destroyed half the planet of Cybertron and you are now the thorn in the Prime's side! You are evil, cunning, wise and powerful! So whatever the Autobots did to you just remeber...you'll always be my hero!'

After a slight pause and after Thundercraker wiped a tear from his optic nothing happened. Then the crying started up again and Shockwave wailed in anguish.

'Slag in a pit...what did he discover anyhow?' he grumbled, looking at the Decepti-Kittes.

'Meggytwon comes second after a set of traffic lights on Optimus Prime's hit list!' replied Starscream.

At this point Shockwave had to reboot his whole system before he could handle the data that he had just recieved. Then he had to hold in the laughter as he tried his best not to laugh out loud.

'Traffic lights!?' he giggled.

AutobotV: Shockwave!

Shockwave: Sorry...

Shockwave knew that he needed to get Megatron out of his room, HOW ELSE AM I GONNA CONTINUE THIS FIC!? So he thought up a quick plan and then he had the best idea ever!

'Megatron! Why not use these traffic lights against Optimus Prime!? Arm your Decepti-Kitties with Traffic light wands or something and use it against them! Then You will surly prove to Optimus that you are indeed the greatest threat in the entire Universe!'

For a while there was silince. Shokwave had to press up against the door to try and hear what was going on in there. Then the door suddenly broke open and Megatron stomped out like nothing had happened and flatened poor Shockwave under the door...the irony.

'That's the greatest plan I ever came up with!' gloated Megatron.

'You're...welcome...sir!' coughed Shockwave from under the door.

AutobotV: Thank Primus...now I'll send Shockwave back to Cybertron to finish off those muffins...

Shockwave: THEY'RE OVER COOKED!

AutobotV: Whoops....and now we can continue with this dam fic!

Megatron smirked at his idea (Shockwave's idea) and gathered his Decepti-Kitties and told them of the great plan of arming them with traffic lights instead of their guns and weapons of mass destruction. They all thought he had just lost it but they listened anyway and ran off to make them. Megatron himself decided to go meet with these traffic lights and make a deal with them...wait...WHAT!?

AutobotV: You're not seriously gonna walk up to a set of traffic lights and persaude it to team up with you!?

Megatron: Of coruse! We're machines, you wouldn't understand!

So the stupid idiot of a machine ran off to get Soundwave who had locked himself up in his room for a very good reason. Inside Soundwave had his little Auto-Kitty, Jazz, dressed up in a pink dress with frills and ribbons and a cute pink bonnet with matching slippers. He was forced to pose on a pink fluffy bed while Soundwave took pictures...I want to save Jazz but...he's too cute!

'You're sooo cute my little Jazzy wazzy!' giggled Soundwave.

'I WANNA GO HOME! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!' wailed Jazz.

At that moment Megatron pounded on the door making poor Soundwave panic as he tried to pack away his things. I mean if Megatron walked in on his cold and evil intelligence officer using his room as a cute fluffy studio so he could take pictures of a cat like Jazz how would he react? So he stalled for time as he packed everything away.

'W-what is it mighty Megatron?' shriecked Soundwave, stuffing everything into a case.

'Soundwave I need your talents to help me win over a new ally! And bring Ravage with you!'

Soundwave suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and panicked even more.

AutobotV: What's the matter?

Soundwave: Ravage is at the pet palour...

AutobotV: ....Oooh

Soundwave looked around his room trying to find the answer while Megatron was starting to get impatient. He pounded on the door some more until it finally opened and out walked Soundwave...with his chest open and Jazz sitting within it still wearing his cute get up. For a moment Megatron looked at the pair of them with a confused expression on his face. Then he finally patted Soundwave on the shoulder and said,

'About time...has Ravage put on some weight?'

Jazz: HEY!

AutobotV: ...idiot...

Megatron: What!?

Anyway as Megatron explained to Soundwave what he was going to do back at the Autobot Base Optimus Prime was really having a bad day. Red Alert and Ratchet had to lock Prowl up in his room and now they were trying to take his laptop away but it wasn't working.

'NO! THIS IS MY SOURCE OF POWER!' wailed Prowl.

'For the love of Primus Prowl...it's just a dumb story about Mirage getting laid with a the whole cast from Go Bots and I think he has suffered enough from being reminded of it! So just hand over the dam thing!' snapped Ratchet.

'NO!' wailed Prowl.

Optimus growled as he recieved some more bad news from Hound...that Megatron had now armed his troops of Decepti-Kitties with traffic Light wands and were on their way to the city to meet up with some big bad guy.

'OH THIS IS SLAGGING PERFECT!' wailed Optimus, slumping into his chair.

As Optimus tried to think of what to do he suddenly got a call from Wheeljack who was down in his lab. Going down to meet him he suddenly got a nasty feeling he was going to recieve some more bad news.

'Optimus, I got some bad news...' started Wheeljack.

'I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!'

'But Optimus sir...we just recieved a court order imlplying that we are no longer allowed to have parties...and it turns out that Mirage atucully slept with two Go Bots!'

'....Dear Primus...get Ironhide on the line and tell him to put that slut out of his misery!'

As Wheeljack ran off to make the call Ratchet showed up to give the stats on Prowl. Holding out his clipborad he explained to Optimus in detail what was wrong with the second in Command of the Autobots.

'He's lost it.'

'Slag.'

Optimus Prime decided that it was now the time for action and he ordered all of his troops to meet him in the control room. Within about five minutes only a handful showed up. There was Red Alert, Inferno, Hound, Ratchet, Wheeljack and Bumblebee. This did not please the Autobot commander one little bit.

'This is it? Where is everyone else?' snapped the Prime.

At that moment Mirage ran past screaming as he tried to doge laser blasts from Ironhide. Optimus chose to ignore this and decided to bring Prowl along for the trip.

'Are you sure sir? He's really gone coocoo if you know what I mean!' informed Ratchet.

At this point Optimus snapped.

'Listen here you lot! Stopping the Decepticons may be the only way we can have our partying rights back! Plus Megatron has MY Jazz and I need a stress reliver for slag sake! I'm not going to sit around without the right to get wasted on Energon so I'm taking all I can get! Everyone is going on this mission no matter what state they're in!'

There was a small silence until Bumblebee raised his hand.

'Does that include Mirage?'

Optimus sturred for a second before replying.

'Look here Bumblebee...I'm not going to fight Megatron with someone who slept with two Go Bots...I mean would you?'

The Autobots looked at each other and nodded in agreement. Glad that there was now an understanding but annoyed that Ironhide lost Mirage after they went outside, Optimus lead his troops to battle...while Ratchet towed Prowl who was still demanding for his lap top. As they sped of to do battle with the Decepticons there was only one question on Optimus Prime's mind!

'Where are we going again?'

* * *

Soundwave couldn't believe he was about to do this but orders were orders!

As he walked into a crowed city with his leader in front and an army of Decepti-Kitties behind the poor Decepticon officer had a very bad feeling about all of this. Meanwhile the citizens of the city were having a slenpdid time and enjoyed their carefree lives almost forgetting that they had alien robots living on their planet and that they could destroy their world in about a few hours...how ever they were acting like they didn't know and that kinda pisses me off. Just then people started screaming and running when they saw the collosul figure that was Megatron walking through their city!

'OH DEAR GOD! IT'S THE DECPETICONS!' wailed a passing human.

'THEY'RE GONNA KILL US!' wailed another human.

'EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF! screamed another.

However at this point the humans stopped scareming and running for a few mere seconds when they saw what was coming up behind the Decepticon leader. First off they saw Soundwave with an adorable Jazz sitting in his chest compartment dressed up in pink and ribbons. Behind Soundwave was what looked like a platoon of Decepticons...only that they were smaller with pointy cat ears, looked extremly cute, wearing fluffy pink dress with matching slippers and bonnets and they were holding wands with Traffic lights attcated to them. They all marched on towards their target while the humans watched in confusion.

'...Are those the Decepticons?'

'Nah...they're too cute.'

Then one of the Decepti-Kitties appeared but he had a huge bow attached to his ear which made every human in the area go,

'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!'

Soundwave mumbled to himself.

'Just keep walking, just keep walking.'

Megatron was ignoring them but then stopped to gloat to the terrified humans. Seroiusly the big guy likes to do nothing else but scare the life out of small organic creatures...isn't he just the biggest jerk you ever met? Well...except the Megatron fans...yesss. Megatron stood before the humans and cackled evily.

'Pitiful flesh creatures! Soon you will all be destroyed by the power of cuteness!'

Soundwave smacked his own face while the humans began to panic and scream in terror.

'DEAR GOD! WE CAN'T FIGHT SUCH CUTE CREATURES!' wailed the humans.

Megatron cackled as he made his way to the very thing he had come to meet...dear Primus do I have to write this? ...I do? Aw Slag...anyway Megatron finally came face to face with Optimus Prime's Number 1 enemy in the whole Universe...a set of Traffic Lights at a crossroad junction which happened to be set right near a car part shop...dear Primus Optimus is such a perv...

Optimus: What!? Check out those parts from that hot looking engine!

AutobotV: Why do I put up with you?

Optimus: You're one to talk! I've seen you near the men's locker room!

AutobotV: BACK TO THE STORY! o///o

Megatron stood before the traffic lights, which were green at the moment, and began to negoaciate.

'You there...Traffic Lights of this crossroad junction!I am the leader of the Decepticons and soon to be the Overlord of the Entire Universe! You should feel honered that I have come to strike a bargin with you!'

At that moment the traffic light went Amber.

'Are you thinking about it? Decide NOW!' boomed Megatron.

Then the lights went Red.

'What! You're not interested!? Now listen here you! I have an idea that will destroy Optimus Prime and his Autobots once and for all!'

Now it's Amber.

'Well?'

Now it's Green.

'Ah so you're interested now! Well this is the plan...first off I will have my Decepti-Kitties attack the Autobots and then you and I will join forces to-'

Amber.

'What is it?'

Red.

'You don't like that idea? Well what do you suggest? I could use you as my own personel weapon and halt Prime in his tracks...or I could focus all of the Decepti-Kitties Traffic Light wands on all the Autobots forcing them to stop!'

Amber.

'Well what do you think?'

Green.

'So we are agreed? Then do you swear to serve me and fight for me in the name of the Decepticons!'

Amber.

'Well!?'

Red.

'WHAT!? So do you expect me to bow down to you!? To serve you and fight in the name of all Traffic lights!?'

Amber...Green.

'...I see why Optimus fears you so much! Very well...until the Autobots are defeated I will fight in the name of the Traffic lights!'

AutobotV:.......Megatron...you...are...an...IDIOT!

Megatron: Ha! You're just jealous of my new ally!

AutobotV: ARRRRRRRGH!

Soundwave wished he could of died right there and then for this was truly the most hulmilating thing he ever had to do! His leader was acting like a nutcase and even Jazz was laughing his head off. The worst part was the new crew showed up and he was able to patch in to the local news to see what the humans were saying.

'...This just in! The Decepticons have appeared in the city for reasons unknown! Are they here to kill us or destroy our beloved city? Will all humanity be destroyed!? Who knows but we, the incredible news crew will update you in everyway we can! No matter what happened our field team will not leave until it's all over! Now, on the scene, is our brave reporter...Bob Bobby!'

AutobotV:...What!? I ran out of names!'

On the scene was indeed a news reporter named Bob Bobby!

'Tom you will not believe what is happening here in the city! The Decepticons have showed up but not in a way we expected! Megatron has now turned his evil machines of doom into cute little robotic cat like creatures with pink dresses, slippers, bonnets and bows! They all also have Traffic light wands and are just hopping around looking adorable! Megatron's evil communication Officer, Soundwave, has also got into the full swing of it by dressing up Ravage in a pink gown with ribbons and it looks like that scary cat has gained a few pounds!'

Jazz: HEY!

'And the most terrify one of them all, Megatron has just struck a bargin with a set of Traffic Lights here at the crossroad junction and now the Decepticons will be fighting in the name of the Traffic lights to destroy the Autobots...I've also just heard that the Traffic lights thinks that Megatron is a big bucket head but they find him attractive...they also want half of Texas when they defeat the Autobots and a big pile of chocolate chip cookies! Back to you Tom!'

Not too far away the Autobots also managed to catch the news and there was only one question on their minds in this dire time.

'...Why would a set of Traffic Lights want half of Texas?'


	6. Chapter 6

**Day of the Decepti-Kitties 6**

Okay folks...this is what you've been waiting for! The exciting conclusion to the Day of the Decepti-Kitties! As the Autobots rush to the scene Megatron has teamed up with Optimus Prime's greatest foe...a set of Traffic Lights at a crossroad junction. He has turned his evil and ugly Decepticon soldiers into a band or adorable Decepti-Kitties with Traffic light wands and pink fluffy dress...worse still is that Soundwave has Jazz as an Auto-Kitty and Prowl still thinks he's in control of his own Universe...we also have no idea what happened to Mirage after Optimus ordered Ironhide to kill him for sleeping with two Go Bots. And now the final chapter of this exciting Transformers episode....

AutobotV: Can you imagine if the narrator off the G1 cartoon narrated that?

Optimus: Sort of.

Megatron: Yeah I can.

Now let's begin!

* * *

Megatron cackled and gloated left and right as humans ran in terror from the adorable Decepti-Kitties. His plan was working perfectly as his cute soldiers stole Energon, made fan girls scream to death and cause traffic jams. The traffic jams were so bad that men were loosing their tempers and taking it out on their kids in the backseat! No one could stop him now! Not even Optimis Prime could stop him.........I said not even Optimus Prime could stop him...

AutobotV: Where the slag is he?

Soundwave: He's on his way...he just had to stop at a car part shop.

AutobotV: That perv...

However at that very moment a whole bunch of cars and trucks showed up and Megatron guessed that it was indeed the Autobots. He acted quickly and ordered his Decepti-Kitties to set their wands to red. The moment they did the Autobots stopped. Megatron cackled and ordered his Decepti-Kitties to redirect them into the ravine, which was conveniently placed right in the middle of the city! After adjusting their lights and waving them around the Autobots fell into the ravine and exploded at the bottom. Megatron howled with laughter as he watched his foes burn.

'I did it! I destroyed the Autobots!' he laughed.

AutobotV: No you didn't.

Megatron: What are you talking about? I just redirected them all into that ravine using my cute army!

AutobotV: No. The Autobots are actually in the middle of traffic jam down the street. What you pushed into the ravine was actually Reflector driving a tank load of Energon!

Megatron:....Ooooh.

The Constructicons wailed as they watched poor Reflector burn but then began to ponder why they had already mourned his death about three times now. At that moment the REAL Autobots showed up and, just to make sure that there is no more confusion, transformed into Robot mode. They aimed their blasters at the Decepti-Kitties but they couldn't find in their Sparks to harm them...they were just too dam cute. However Optimus did get pissed when he saw Jazz sticking out of Soundwave's chest wearing a pink frock and all.

'Megatron! You will return Jazz to me or else!' demanded the Autobot Leader.

Megatron appeared puzzled.

'Jazz? Where?'

'Don't play dumb with me Megatron!'

'No seriously, where?'

Optimus was now pissed and he charged forward. Megatron guessed this and he suddenly grabbed the evil Traffic light of the crossroad junction. He held it out towards Optimus and the Autobot had no choice but to stop when the light hit red.

'Dam you Megatron!' cried Optimus.

'MWHAHAHAHA! You can't stop me now Prime!' cackled the Decepticon leader.

Now the lights are green and Megatron looked shocked.

'What are you doing Traffic lights? I thought we had an agreement! Have you been talking to Starscream behind my back?' wailed Megatron as Optimus continued to charge.

However the lights went red again and Optimus was forced to stop.

'Would you make up your slagging mind!' snapped Megatron wondering if the Traffic lights would betray him.

The rest of the Autobots began to panic. They could not harm the Decepti-Kitties for they were far too cute and they had those dam Traffic lights so they couldn't even get close enough to try and stop them. As the Decepti-Kitties gloated in their success the Autobots got together quickly for a brainstorm.

'We need to get closer to the Decepti-Kitties!' growled Prime.

'Yeah...but how? They keep switching the light to red!' groaned Hound.

'I know! If we all wear sirens we can get through the red lights! Prowl's done it before!' suggested Bumblebee.

'WHAT!? Why didn't he tell me?' snapped Optimus.

He would of explained to Optimus why he never told him but Prowl was sitting in the corner writing on his lap top about some crazy fic or something. So the Autobots grabbed police sirens and then charged at the Decepti-Kitties, making poor Starscream...well...scream.

'Meggytwon! They have Sirens! Our wands are powerless against them!'

'FUCK!' howled Megatron.

AutobotV: MEGATRON! NONE OF THAT IN THIS FIC!

Megatron: Sorry.

Now that the Autobots had sirens all over them they charged...but they still couldn't find it in them to harm the Decepti-Kitties. So Optimus came up with the only solution...hug them to death. However the Decepti-Kitties were too small and kept dodging their attacks. Thundercraker wailed when he got his dress dirty and Long Haul flushed a little when Bumblebee started taking photos of them all. Optimus on the other hand went straight for Megatron who was trying to get the Traffic Light of the crossroad junction to work.

'You've gone too far this time Megatron! Teaming up with my greatest foe and using the power of everything cute to harm the humans...I swear you get sicker by the day!' snarled Prime.

Megatron winced as Optimus took a step forward but he had a backup plan...wait...

AutobotV: I don't remember writing that! Let me check my script...

Megatron cackled as he held up a small looking device in front of Prime and began to gloat.

'You won't be able to harm me Prime! For this little device is a Portable Cute Machine! With this I shall make myself look adorable and you won't be able to touch me!'

Optimus Prime gasped.

'You wouldn't!?'

AutobotV: He would.

Megatron cackled as he activated the device and Optimus was blinded by a bright light. After the light had settled Optimus switched his optics back on and was almost horrified to see what stood before him. Megatron was now shorter and he had cat like ears on his head. He had short limbs and a plushy exterior with a ribbon on his fusion cannon...and his evil red optics were now huge and adorable...worse still he had a cat like tail...with a little bell. Megatron...had become cute!

AutobotV: THE HORROR!

Optimus couldn't believe he was now staring at a very cute Mega-Kitty! The Mega-Kitty laughed but it was now high pitched and sounded sweet.

'You cannot defeat me now Optimus Prime! I am so cute that not even the most evil of evil machines can stop me! MWHAHAHA! Mew!'

He was right! Optimus didn't stand a chance against something so cute. He didn't want to harm it no matter what but he knew he had to. What on Earth is our hero going to do!? ....No seriously Optimus...what are you going to do?

Optimus: I...I don't know!

AutobotV: Well you have to think of something! I'm out of ideas!

Prowl: I can handle this!

AutobotV: PROWL!? You want me...ME!? The Writer to hand over this story to you?

Prowl: Yes...if you let me take over I can help Optimus Prime and the Autobots beat the Decepti-Kitties!

AutobotV:....................................well.....oh what the hell, go for it!

Prowl: Excellent! Now to begin!

Optimus Prime and his fellow Autobots suddenly got blasted by a bright ray of light from the heavens as if Primus was willing to assist in this epic battle! Once the light had cleared the Autobots had suddenly transformed into...adorable cute little Auto-Puppies!

Everyone: WHAT!?

Optimus couldn't believe he now had a cute little wagging tail with adorable floppy ears and sweet looking collar! However this plan seemed to be working for Mega-Kitty suddenly got scared...well what do you expect he's a cat!

AutobotV: Nice writing there Prowl!

Prowl: Thank you.

However Mega-Kitty ordered the Constructicons to transform into a gigantic Devestator-Kitty! One with big ribbons and looked so adorable that it would burn the eyes of any human who dared gazed upon it!

AutobotV: MY EYES!

As the gigantic Devestator-Kitty destroyed buildings and blinded everyone with it's cuteness Starscream suddenly transformed into one hot...looking pice of aft!

AutobotV:...What?

Then he found himself wearing sexy lingerie and a maid outfit.

AutobotV: WHAT!?

Then he walked on over to Prowl in a very seductive way...

AutobotV: Hey hold the fuck on you slagging perverted twit! This is about Decepti-Kitties destroying the world with the power of everything cute! Not you making out with Starscream!

Prowl: Slag off! I'm in control now!

AutobotV: Oh yeah!

Prowl: Yeah!

At that very moment the clouds above the city darkened and the Decepti-Kitties and Auto-Pups suddenly got very scared. Then to their horror reality around them started to get out of control and the space/time continuum thingy got waaay out of hand! This was all due to the fact that two writers were now battling it out for control of this fic! Optimus knew he had to do something...but what?

'Auto-Pups! We must stop the writers from destroying this world!' ordered the Prime.

'How?' demanded Hound.

'The slag do I know, I was hoping you lot would come up with ideas!'

Mega-Kitty also knew he had to stop this horrible catastrophe from happening but he didn't know how either. As the two leaders from different fractions thought about what to do everything around them began to bend and twist! Strange creatures appeared and things disappeared and reappeared! If Prowl and AutobotV don't stop fighting then I don't know whats going to happen...and I'm the writer!

Prowl: No! I'm the writer!

AutobotV: Quit it Prowl or you'll destroy everthing!

As the craziness continued and Starscream tried to get out of his sexy getup it was Jazz who suddenly came up with an idea. All he had to do was tell the writers something...something so horrible that it would stop them fighting. However he needed Soundwave's help but the poor guy was still trying to get over the whole Megatron serving traffic light thing.

'Soundwave! I need your help! KYAAAAA!' sqeaked Jazz.

'What's the point? Everything has gone to the pits!' wailed Soundwave.

'Soundwave I swear to Primus if you help me I will let you do whatever you want to me...no matter how disturbing I find it! KYAAAA!'

That worked. Soundwave idmedinatly set out to help the cute little Jazz kitty by getting a huger mic and wiring it up to every loud speaker in the area. As soon as he was done Jazz grabbed the mic and tried to contact the two writers.

'PROWL! AUTOBOTV! THERE IS SOMETHING I MUST TELL YOU! SOMETHING SO TERRIBLE THAT IT WILL BRING PROWL BACK TO HIS SENSES AND AUTOBOTV WILL GRANT US OUR GREATEST WISH! KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!' cried Jazz.

The two writers stopped for a moment to listen. What did Jazz have to say that was so terrible it would make Prowl go back to normal and make AutobotV do something nice for a change? Even the Decepti-Kitties and Auto-Pups were interested and listened in as Jazz told them the most terrifying thing ever!

'If you must know...Spike and Carly are going to reproduce and have a son called Daniel who is way annoying than Spike, Chip and Sparkplug put together!'

Prowl: WH- WH- WHAT!?

AutobotV: OH MY GOD!

Auto-Pups: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Decepti-Kitties: HOLY SLAG! WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE DEAD! AHHHHHHH!

Suddenly every thing went back to normal and Prowl finally gave the writing rights back to AutobotV. However everyone was slightly disturbed with what Jazz had just said. But the good news was that Prowl was now finally back to normal...and as for his punishment I turned him into a cute little Auto-Pup! Now...before we deal with the Spike and Carly problem...let's get back to the final battle between the Auto-Pups and the Decepti-Kitties.

'Give it up Megatron! Now that were are adorable puppies we can bite and tear up your dresses!' growled Optimus Prime.

'Oh yeah! We can claw and tear at your collars with our claws!' screamed Megatron.

As the cute little Transformers battled the news crew continued to report! Such brave men!

'Tom this is getting a little freaky now! The Autobots have now transformed into Auto-Pups and are still wearing those very loud sirens while the Decepti-Kitties are still wearing their cute dresses and holding their traffic light wands. The Decepticon Soundwave...is...is...sorry I can't release that information due to it's mature content! Also the giant Devestator-Kitty is now playing with the world's largest ball of yarn! I have no idea what's going to happen Tom but it can't be good!'

It was then at that moment that Mirage appeared holding a large can of something. Optimus and the rest of the Auto-Pups suddenly aimed their blasters at him, confusing the Decepti-Kitties.

'Why the slag are you going to shoot him? He's on your side!' snapped Starscream.

'Yeah...but he slept with two Go Bots!' argued Bumblebee.

That made sense so the Decepti-Kitties decided to hold their fire until the put the slut out of his misery! As the Auto-Pups prpped their blasters Mirage suddenly raised his hand for he had something to say.

'Optimus sir...I know what I did was stupid...so I am willing to sacrifice myself to save you and the city! In this can I have a very, very, very powerful bomb that according to my calculations will blow all the Decepti-Kitties back to their base where they won't do anything for at least a month! However I need to get close and the only way for the bomb to go off is to activate it manually...so I will-'

'Yeah, yeah I get it Mirage...just get on with it!' snapped Optimus.

'Yeah Mirage...you slept with two Go Bots and it doesn't matter if you sacrifice yourself or not...we're not going to care!' snapped Ratchet.

Mirage sighed and picked up the can with the very, very, very powerful bomb inside. As he charged towards the Decepti-Kitties Wheeljack suddenly got a call from Perecptor and he told him something very disturbing.

'Wheeljack you're not going to believe this! Mirage didn't sleep with the Go Bots! It was Cliffjumper!' chuckled Perceptor over the phone.

'Uh-oh.'

However before Wheeljack could inform Mirage he had already detonated the device. The Decepti-Kitties howled as they were blown off the face of the Earth and landed in their base...just like Mirage said they would! As the dust settled the Auto-Pups stood there tall and proud...even though they did fuck all!

Auto-Pups: HEY!

AutobotV: Sorry.

So as they returned to base with another mission well done both Soundwave and, a now normal, Jazz emerged from a building looking rather hot and flustered.

'Wow...I had no idea you were so good!' purred Jazz.

'You wanna hook up sometime?' asked Soundwave.

'Well...OK fine...but only if you promise not to dress me up in those stupid dresses!'

What a happy ending! But it ain't over quite yet...

* * *

The Decepticons had returned to normal after getting back in the cute machine and becoming the ugly and scary machines that they were. Thundercraker was glad that he looked hideous again and Starscream was pleased he looked like a pretty bot again but Skywarp sulked because he was plain looking again! Megatron was sulking but he is now thinking of yet another crap plan in his room. Shockwave ended up becoming a Decepti-Kitty but he is now stuck and can't change back. Life at the Decepticon base seemed to have return to normal...until a month later...

'Starscream! Get in my room now!'

Starscream sighed as he was interrupted from cooking brownies and he marched up to his leaders room. In the cold and dark room Megatron had already come up with his...you know what I'm not even going to write the dam name...plan!

'What is it now mighty Megatron?' sighed Starscream.

'Ah Starscream...about time...get the other Decepticons! I must tell them of my new plan!' cackled the Decepticon.

Starscreamed growled but did what he was told. Soon everyone was in Megatron's room listening on his new plan.

'Decepticons...my last plan didn't go quite the way I wanted it to go...heck we lost Reflector about three times and Long Haul still has cat ears! However this new plan will garentee our victory over the Autobots!'

The Decepticons waited to hear what this plan was. Megatron smirked as he began to explain his wonderful yet sinister plan.

'We're going to sit here and do nothing!' he snapped.

Everyone: WHAT!?

'Don't you see!? The Autobots only attack us when we do something! So if we do nothing then we won't be beaten! It's genius I tell you!' cackled the Decepticon leader.

As the Decepticons began to hatch their own plan of putting Megatron out of his misery back at the Autobot HQ Ratchet was able to put Mirage back together after everyone found out that it wasn't him that slept with a couple of Go Bots but rather Cliffjumper. As he sat in his recovery bed everyone came in bearing presents to say sorry.

'Mirage...can you forgive us for the way we treated you?' asked Optimus...looking serious for a change.

Mirage smiled.

'I understand Prime...I would of ordered the Autobots to kill you too if you slept with a Go Bot.'

Optimus felt relieved and gave Mirage a pat to the head. At that moment Cliffjumper appeared and he looked very sorry for himself after getting told the news. The Autobots noticed and they all snarled.

'Cliffjumper you slagging slut! Get out of here!' snapped Wheeljack.

'Yeah! Go throw yourself off a cliff or something!' snapped Hound.

'Go to hell Cliffjumper!' snapped Mirage.

'You're making me sick Cliffjumper! Slag off!' snapped Prime.

And with that Cliffjumper ran off to cry like the dirt slut that he was. At that moment Jazz and Prowl appeared with a pair of shovels and they were covered in dirt.

'About time you showed up! Spike was asking where Carly was all day!' snapped Bumblebee.

Jazz smirked.

'It's OK...we did what Prowl suggested! We took her out for a drive...put her in a box and then buried her six feet under the ground...well we really went sixty feet because we messed up the calculations but she's as ggod as gone!'

'So she's dead now?' asked Bumblebee.

Prowl suddenly looked angry and he shook his head.

'Bumblebee we are Autobots not Decepticons! We don't kill organic life forms! She will die naturally as her God intended!'

The Autobots began to laugh in their warm and fuzzy way glad that everything turned out just fine. They had their drinking rights back, the Decepticons appeared to be doing fuck all and Cliffjumper left a suicide note...all was well with the world...OR WAS IT!?

AutobotV: Just a quick one from me...we, as writers, should treat our characters or borrowed characters with respect! Sure we like to torture them and watch them suffer but we created them and the worlds they live in so it is important that we take care of them like they were family...like they are our children! Also it is not cool to use the power of cuteness for evil purposes! Understand? You don't have to read this but seriously...take time to think...?

Megatron: If you took time to think the Universe would of ended by now!

AutobotV: THAT'S IT!

And to end our tale Megatron was thrown into the sun and beaten until he couldn't walk. Plus he had to kiss Optimus Prime's feet for a week, become Starscream's slave for a month and allow Soundwave to marry Jazz!

Megatron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo......

See ya all next time folks...oh wait...the traffic lights wanted half of Texas so they could start a waffle ranch...yeah I know...genius!

**THE END!**


End file.
